Heart wrenching adoration Part-28

The sun rose in clear, azure horizon, marking the beginning of another day and chasing away the chasm and gloom of the day before. I woke up, after sleeping more restfully than I had in years and I credited it to khushi’s effect.

Someone out there must really be my guardian angel to send a beautiful person like khushi in my way! My good mood continued, much to my friend’s 

astonishment and didn’t dampen even when the day started with two continuous Economics classes. Although I had started hating Fridays as we had double period of the boring subject yet that couldn’t affect my perk!

Our Economics teacher, Mrs. Avantika Bhattacharya- a stout, plump, bespectacled woman stood in front of the class as she droned on and on about the Economic reforms in post-Independence period, quite unaware of the lack of attention of the entire class.

Half of the students were busy staring out of the windows at the forget-me-not clear blue sky while few others were already asleep on their desks with desks with their blazers covering their faces. 

Despite this outrageous lack of general interest, Avantika ma’am continued, making me marvel at her remarkable indifference.

I sat with my face resting on my palm and my elbow on the desk as I nodded occasionally if she happened to be looking in my difference, while I persisted in what is called- physically present and mentally absent state, thinking about the tactics that we were going to employ for our final match against Kendriya Vidyalaya for that C.B.S.E.Cricket Tournament.

Suddenly a peon walked with the register for notice, breaking the usual monotone of the class.

“Students are to be informed that the school is organizing an outing for classes 9-12 on Saturday i.e. tomorrow to the nearby Ambience Mall. Hostel warden and few other teachers will accompany the students on the outing. The buses will leave the school premises at 3p.m.” Avantika ma’am read in her sing-song voice at for the first time since the beginning of the session, the class listened to her with rapt attention.

Several people cheered and wolf whistled, as excited murmurings broke out across the class, especially among girls. I felt two thumps on my back and turned around to look at Anvesh and Aman smirking at me.

“What?”I frowned.

“Well there you go! You can take khushi out, spin it out to spend some time alone with khushi without Payal breathing down your neck as I’ll be much mistaken if Akash doesn’t keep her absolutely absorbed!” Aman quipped, while Anvesh nodded so enthusiastically as if we were talking about his date.

“Whatever!” I rolled my eyes and faced forward, though their words had rooted some ideas in my mind. Spending time alone with khushi outside the school premises was so...tempting! Already my imagination was swirling wild! Truly I was a goner!

My colourful reverie was broken by the brusque voice of Anavtika ma’am as she called the clss to get back in order.

“Enough everyone! I know its all very exciting, but you need to study first!” She sniffed, banging the duster on a nearby chair and narrowly missing the nose of Manish who was sitting there.

“So, Land ceiling was introduced to keep the ownership of land by big Landlords in check by the Government of India and...” Avantika ma’am began again and  it didn’t take the class more than 5 minutes to fall back in its sleepy torpor!

As I entered the cafeteria for lunch I was met by a sight that was both surprising and amusing. Payal and Khushi were in the middle of a full-fledged fight bickering about something. Akash, Aman and Anvesh were seated around with their mouths hanging open, whipping their head from one sister to another and looking rather cartoon-ish!

“Di I don’t like it!”

“You will! Just because you haven’t ever tried anything you opine that rest all is not worth your attention!”

“Di, I don’t feel comfortable! ”

“Ridiculous! You can’t know that, not when  you haven’t even tried!”

“I’m perfectly happy in going with the present ways!”

“But apparently I’m not and you really can’t expect me to be!”

“Woah! Woah! Chill guys! What’s wrong? Why are you two fighting like cats?” I finally intervened. I was curious to know what led to the argument, as they were always quite wrapped up in the sisterly love.

“I’m fed up of her boring jeans and T-shirt outfit!I mean there are so many variety of dresses and all she wears is this! She doesn’t even have proper shorts!” Payal sniffed.

“I don’t want to go for a change! I’m perfectly happy with how I dress!” Khushi wheedled, pouting cutely.

They continued their argument throughout the lunch and khushi finally had to give up! She glared at her elder sister as she mused her make-over.

“You know what you’ll like khushi? A peplum sleeveless, cami or maybe cashmere tops. In fact, some satin and laces will do to. Oh and we can try some denim shorts and cropped jacket. And I’ll love to see you try those lovely sequined skirts and leather jackets and cap sleeves. Hmm...It will look pretty good and...” Payal continued her monologue, looking quite absorbed while rest of us exchanged bewildered looks.

Did girls literally have so much to wear? I was suddenly quite thankful that jeans and sweats were perfectly blasé and cool with guys. I could only imagine my di who was a shopping freak too, trying to fit me in various dresses! That would’ve been beyond horrible!

“I’m screwed up now!” Khushi groaned, listening to her sister’s prattle and I leaned towards her;speaking in her ears.

“Don’t worry khushi! I’ll sneak you out!” I whispered, earning a radiant look from her that rendered me breathless.

Heart wrenching adoration Part-27

“So, what has Ranveer got to do with you? How come he knows? Khushi breathed, her eyes glimmering with unshed tears and I gently rubbed her tears away before answering.

“Ranveer is my dad’s elder brother’s son...my cousin!” I sighed.

She remained quite after that, possibly sensing my weariness after baring my heart in front of her.

 So we both simply sat together, saying nothing. I was simply content to hold her in my arms, especially when she didn’t seemed to mind our proximity.

“Arnav?” She finally whispered.

“Hmm?”

“ You know, you are so so courageous!” Khushi said earnestly and I exhaled a bit in relief. Even though I had told her everything, I couldn’t help but feel a bit fearful that she might misunderstand me.

“So you really don’t think that I’m some wacky , off-the-track teenager who is  every bit selfish , rude and horrid enough to hate his own father for a better part of his life?” I asked with dark humour. 

Khushi stiffened a bit at my tone, possibly catching the edge in it, perceptive as she was. Then she gently disentangled herself from me- much to my disappointment- and looked at me full in eyes.

“No Arnav, I really don’t think so because you are not what you think yourself to be. I know that you feel crappy for misunderstanding your father so terribly, for hating him, when he wasn’t at fault, but you’ve to realise that its not your mistake either! You didn’t know! In fact, its not even your family’s fault; anyone would want to keep such a ghastly truth. So, if anyone is at fault, its that wretched family of your father’s who so cruelly tore your family apart just for some bullshit!” Khushi concluded decisively and I let her words wash over me; let them ease the burden of guilt that I had been shouldering for so many years.

“Thanks khush!”I chocked slightly. I couldn’t deny the relief that washed over me as she didn’t hold me guilty! I had been pretty sure that she would run out on me, shouting how very wretched and bad I was.

“ Anytime! And now if you should, we should really get going before my di calls up the C.B.I. Who knows, maybe she’s already at it, thinking I’m missing!” Khushi murmured shaking her head . I laughed and got to my feet, offering her my hand which she took impulsively, making me happy with her small acceptance.

We walked chattering  to the hostels and sure enough Payal waited there, looking not too chuffed with khushi’s disappearance just as khushi had predicted. She swelled like a bull-frog as she saw her scurrying towards her; beside her Anvesh flashed me a thumbs up, grinning hugely.

“Good Gracious khushi! Where were you? I’ve down this one hour and, searching everywhere for you without any success and you...”

“Chill di! I was just strolling around. Let’s get in. I’ve got loads of home-work to tend to. Night Arnav!” Khushi said casually, before prancing away from her angry sister, who followed her looking nowhere near finish.

Anvesh grinned at me cockily, his eyebrow disappearing in his fringes and I wheeled around, scowling at him. He tagged along with me shamelessly, apparently not giving up. I was ambushed! 

I walked down the corridor, ignoring him studiously and entered my room to find Akash and Aman lolling on the bed with laptop. Seriously, the guys never left it! You would think they were glued or something!

“Pay up!” Anvesh cawed smugly.

“As if we have any other choice!” Akash said bitterly, tossing some currency in Anvesh’s direction which latter caught with atypical skills.

“You guys have been betting on me?” I asked incredulous. Could they get even more stupid than they were?

“Oh yes! Obviously Akash-who seems to think Payal can do anything in the world-put that she’ll catch you red-handed in your small little moments of romance with khushi and drag you by your scruff, the way she has  assumed parental authority over khushi nowadays and is taking it to extremes!” Aman said quietly.

“Only I didn’t think that you’ll be that brain-dead! You have enough senses to choose somewhere reclusive-you know, away from everyone’s eyes!” Anvesh leered, looking devilish.

“You guys are...mad!”  I gasped, unable to find a better word.

“So what we should’ve done? Placed a bet on who you spend your time with? How thick will we have to be to do so, since you so obviously are happy to spend your every minute with khushi, that is to say when you aren’t in classroom-“

“Or bathroom-”

“Or sleeping-”

“Or on playground!”

“Oh shut up!” I yelled angrily.

“Ease out chote!” My di’s soft voice rang in the room and I looked at the laptop screen from where she grinned at me. 

Obviously my friends and brother were chatting with her on skype. My jaw dropped in horror and I blushed furiously. They were pulling my legs regarding khushi in front of my elder sister!

“Di what?...How?....You...” I couldn’t scramble my wits enough to form a sensible sentence. Akash, Aman and Anvesh sniggered in unison and I cast them a deadly look, promising violence.

“Calm down chote! You can fry an egg on your face! And dear Lord! Arnav Singh Raizada is blushing! That has to be a first!” My di chortled, making me turn a darker magenta. I glowered at the trio in my room  for putting me in such an embarrassing situation and it seemed Akash and Aman sensed the snap coming so they immediately excused themselves from the room, urging Anvesh to do the same.

“You guys carry on. I think I’ll loll around here a bit.” Anvesh piped.

“Your funeral!” Akash murmured, leaving the room.

I chatted a bit with Anjali di who urged me over and over again to keep my relationship light with khushi –merely refrained to friendship-, as she very aptly pointed  that ‘Khushi was very young and didn’t need any distractions from her studies and so did I, what with barely a year and half left for boards’ and I nodded vigorously. I had thought about that too, though the idea of mere friendship with khushi didn’t exactly go too well on my side. I wanted more...

After an hour or so when my di finally left me and I snapped my lappy shut , I found Anvesh sitting on his bed observing me, a thoughtful look on his face.

“What do you want?” I asked irritably, not attempting to hide my irritation.

“Nothing! Its just that I know you don’t like me extracting a mickey out of you and khushi every time, but I really couldn’t help it. You too are too adorable for your own good.” He smiled, catching me off guard. Sensible talks without a trace of fooling about wasn’t exactly Anvesh’s forte.

“And...I want to tell you that...just listen to your heart! You have endured more pain than most grow-ups that too at such a young age when most people can’t even rub their nose clean, so that ought to entitle you to get happiness earlier in your life. You have owed it!” Anvesh added with a sudden ferocity and darted out of the room, leaving me bemused.

That’s the best part of friendship...it makes you feel all comforted and at the top of the world even when your insides feel twisted and crappy!

Heart wrenching adoration Part-26

“What happened Arnav?” Khushi asked softly, her voice sounded as though she had very bad cold and I realized that she had been crying, though I was too preoccupied to notice it.

“Khushi shh! I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to scare you, please! Please don’t cry.” I pleaded, feeling guilty.

“You crazy guy! Here you are feeling so much pain, you went through so much without a word and you’re worried about hurting me?” Khushi whispered, incredulous.

 I smiled at her sadly, mussing her hair and then continued.

“Ever since I was told the incidents of that night, I was told that my father was taken away. We didn’t know what happened to him, until some years later, when my nani and uncle came across one of my dad’s friend who belonged to the same village. He told them that after my dad was  taken to his village, his mother somehow persuaded his father to now to kill him, citing that he was their son, their own blood."

" So, after a lot of pleading and grouching my dad’s father relented and then, my dad was coaxed by his entire family to remarry, to forget us, his children, since his family was not ready to take us for we had out mother’s blood too who,  according to them was a low caste women who had entranced their son. They even fixed his marriage!"

 "So, my dad, unable to bear the guilt of not having being capable of doing anything when his wife was brutally raped and killed in front of him-well...that’s what he was told about my mother and since he was in pretty much of  house arrest, he had no way of knowing the truth- committed suicide.” I whispered, feeling the agony ripping through my chest. 

Oh how I missed my dad even though I had known him just for a short period of two years!

We both sat in silence for a long time as I tried to control the flood of grief that had broken every dam I had made to contain it ever.

“Then? When did you get to know of his innocence?”Khushi finally asked and I sighed, continuing.

“My di was told the truth and she took it quite bravely though I had did see her break down quite a lot at that time and nearly lost my mind asking her the reason for it, but every time she would give me some silly excuses. I knew something terrible had happened, yet I wasn’t told of my dad’s innocence and his suicide on my di’s insistence. She didn’t want me to get hurt even more. She didn’t want me to know exactly how cruel this world can be so she restrained even nani and mama from telling me. So, I grew up hating my father, accusing him for all our sufferings...” I trailed off, still remembering that fateful day when I finally got to know the entire truth.

“Throughout my childhood, I just needed one reason...one catalyst so that I could vent out venomously on my father, take out all my frustration by slandering and ridiculing him. But, you see my di always stopped me and especially after she got to know the truth, my tirades became absolutely unbearable for her."

" Just as Ranveer told you, my di inherited the property that our father left for us on her 21^st birthday and as usual I was babbling angrily about him, calling him coward and expressing my surprise that the man who ditched us when we needed him the most had left us his property after his death! You know, that was the first time I got to know that our father was dead and instead of trying to know the entire truth, instead of feeling bad or upset for it, I was speaking as much evil as I could possibly speak for him!” This was my undoing, the greatest regret of my life and I didn’t know when I started sobbing.

“Shh Arnav! Get a grip on yourself. I know you must feel terrible, but you know its not your fault. You didn’t know! Stop feeling guilty!” Khushi hugged me tighter, rubbing my tears away.

And that was when I completely broke down! All the hurt as I had watched my mother strapped to a gurney... being given electric shock... being tied like an animal, all the sleepless nights that  I had spent wondering why my dad left us...why didn’t he have the guts to stand with us, his children, and all the agony and guilt that ripped through me every time I thought about how mistaken I was regarding my father, came pouring out in torrent. I couldn’t keep a check over my tears so I simply leaned into khushi, seeking her warmth, her soft reassurance, letting her talk me out of it and feeling her tears trickle on my hair and mingle with those of my own.

I don’t know how long we sat like that, but I eventually I gained control and leaned away from her a bit, knowing that my weight must be bothering her, not that she complained. I remained in the soothing circles of her arm as I again picked my story from where I had left it.

“So you see khushi, my di finally had had enough and being unable to bear more of my cruel words against out father, she slapped me hard. That was the first time my di had done that ever and I was naturally shocked. I fought with her, asking why she was defending that man who was the cause of our misery and finally she broke down, spilling the beans...telling the truth that she had hidden from me for so long! I was...devastated, I don’t even have the word to describe how wretched I felt! I started hating myself, I wouldn’t attend school, wouldn’t go out with my friends or talk with anyone in my family! I was absolutely depressed!”

“But you came out of it?” Khushi enquired and I sighed, nodding.

“At first there seemed no out from my misery...no escape from my agony. So my family took me to a Psychiatrist and eventually with her help and some of the anti-depressant pills that I secretly took to keep the depression at bay, I recovered and then, I had another addiction- anti-depressants!...My di literally blew her head off in rage when she got to know I was taking them...I had never seen her that  angry! Even now I get goosebumps whenever I remember her angry avatar!” I smiled at the memory. 

I still teased my di about it sometimes.

“But my entire family eventually helped me out of it...extricated me from that sinking mud and from then on, I have come a long way!” I finally looked down at khushi, to read her hazel eyes that were now boring down at me with compassion.

Heart wrenching adoration Part-25

 “Khushi, I’ll tell you everything, but I only ask you to be just open-minded and patient.” I pleaded, looking at her to which she nodded resolutely.

We were seated on the merry-go-round in the deserted playground. Since it was on the other side of the football field, far away from the hostel, with its view partially obscured by huge birch trees nobody had a prayer of finding us here if anyone searched for us. I looked up at the hazy moon, trying to arrange my jumbled thoughts.

“Khushi, have you read about the caste system and all that in Indian traditions and customs?” I asked quietly.

“Um...yeah, I read about it. It has something got to do with Brahmin, Kshatriya, Shutra and all that.” She replied immediately and I smiled.

“Its Shudra, not shutra and yeah you are right! Despite the fact that the Indian Constitution absolutely prohibits any sort of discrimination on the basis of Caste, yet there are some Indians who are awfully set upon it. There are some people for whom love marriage, or more precisely inter-caste marriage is a taboo, and they can go to any length to stop it...which even means killings!” I whispered and heard khushi’s quick intake of breath. So, I quietened, letting my word hang ominously.

“So?” Khushi finally prompted me.

“My mom lived in Lucknow and just like Ranveer had pointed earlier, she belonged to a middle class family. She lived with her parents and brother and despite their not-so-sound financial status, she was quite much the pampered princess of her family. When she was merely 20, she met my father, Mr. Randhir Singha in one of her friend’s wedding and gradually they fell in love. They were pretty much crazy about each other...hopeless romantic!” I smiled as I used my di’s word to describe their relationship, shaking my head slightly.

“They wanted to marry each other. So, my mum told her family first. Even though my grandpa was reluctant at first, but eventually as he saw my dad’s love for her, he melted and gave his permission. Then, ball was in dad’s court. But, he didn’t dare utter a word to his family.”

“Why?” Khushi’s startled whisper interrupted me and my thoughts immediately darkened. I could practically fell hatred radiating from me.

“ Khushi, my dad was from one of the most influential and rich families in Haryana. But that wasn’t their only identity. They were also downright orthodox, to an excruciating extent! Even I don’t know, how this caste system and all works, but somehow my mum’s family belonged to lower cast than them and the fact that they were thoroughly middle class didn’t help it either! Now, khushi, you’ve to understand that even today there are certain bodies in this country which quite vehemently oppose such inter-caste love marriages and stuff and cross every limit to stop them. One such body is ‘Khaap Panchayat’. Have you heard about it ever?” I paused, looking down at her.

“No, the term is new for me.” She breathed, looking intrigued.

“Well, they are this group of people who have arrangement like normal panchayat, complete with sarpanch and all that. Theses panchayats are especially very dominant in Haryana and Rajasthan and often take arbitrary, literally sycophantic decisions to curb these inter-caste marriage and don’t even hesitate in getting the couples who defy them, murdered!” Khushi gasped, looking revolted. I nodded in understanding.

“In fact, murder is quite decent in front of the other punishments they inflict, which make death sentence look nothing but a walk on the path of roses! So, here’s the catch. You see, my paternal parents were ardent supporters and chaperones of this caste system. In fact, my dad’s father was the ‘Sarpanch’ of the khaap panchayat of their village. So, you can’t really blame my father for his unwillingness to tell his family. Though, my dad did call up his family to let them know about his marriage with my mother and tried to persuade his family into accepting them, but even he knew it was a lost cause.”I sighed, glowering at the night-sky.

“My dad’s family was very furious and my grandfather, in order to save his fickle reputation, gave orders to kill his own son and his wife!” 

“WHAT?” Khushi screamed, looking horrified.

“Yes, khushi! A father inflicted a death sentence on his own son, without flinching, without a second thought. Just because he had defied him! So, my parents were hunted and my dad who knew what his father was capable of, moved to Delhi along with my mum and her family. He didn’t want to leave my maternal parents alone, in case his dad’s men caught up with them. You know, there’s an age-old custom in my dad’s family that as soon as any male member of the family becomes a legal adult, he’s allowed his inheritance,...the part of the ancestral property."

"So, my dad naturally had his. So, he started his new business of hotels, which soon flourished. Then, my di, Anjali was born and 5 years later they had me. We were just the perfect family...or so my di tells me, since I was too small then.”I gazed unseeingly at moon, my hands clenched.

“But one day our little family was torn apart! My dad’s family caught up with us. I was just two then and as decided, they caught my father and tied him! Then They...they r...raped my mother and tried to bludgeon her to death! They even killed my mum’s dad when he tried to stop them. Me and my sister were not in the house at the time. My grandma and uncle had taken us out, otherwise those unworthy nutters would’ve killed us too."

" Neighbours called the police and informed us. Just in a single blow, on that wretched night  I was rendered orphan, my entire family torn apart, though at the time, I didn’t realize it.I was too young! Though my mother survived her injuries, she slipped into coma and when she regained consciousness some 4 years later, she had lost her senses. She couldn’t even recognise me! She didn’t know  that...that she had a son and a daughter...that she had a husband...a family!” I chocked, my wounds feeling raw.

I felt khushi’s arms go round me holding me tightly and I couldn’t help but lean into her warmth, seeking comfort.

“We went to the courts and sought protection. We filed a suit against my dad’s family. You know khushi, all those who were involved in that heinous crime were never brought to books, were never punished as my dad’s family was quite rich and was perfectly capable of throwing lots of money to evade justice. They threatened me grandma and maternal uncle to withdraw the case if they didn’t want us dead, and my nani finally broke down. "

"She had already lost her husband and daughter and now she didn’t want to lose us! So that was the end of it, though my dad never returned to us and nobody told me why.And all these years, I hated my father, thinking of him as a spineless man who left us in the direst situation...in that mess, until very recently!” I whispered softly, feeling regret burning in my voice.