Heart wrenching adoration Part-26

“What happened Arnav?” Khushi asked softly, her voice sounded as though she had very bad cold and I realized that she had been crying, though I was too preoccupied to notice it.

“Khushi shh! I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to scare you, please! Please don’t cry.” I pleaded, feeling guilty.

“You crazy guy! Here you are feeling so much pain, you went through so much without a word and you’re worried about hurting me?” Khushi whispered, incredulous.

 I smiled at her sadly, mussing her hair and then continued.

“Ever since I was told the incidents of that night, I was told that my father was taken away. We didn’t know what happened to him, until some years later, when my nani and uncle came across one of my dad’s friend who belonged to the same village. He told them that after my dad was  taken to his village, his mother somehow persuaded his father to now to kill him, citing that he was their son, their own blood."

" So, after a lot of pleading and grouching my dad’s father relented and then, my dad was coaxed by his entire family to remarry, to forget us, his children, since his family was not ready to take us for we had out mother’s blood too who,  according to them was a low caste women who had entranced their son. They even fixed his marriage!"

 "So, my dad, unable to bear the guilt of not having being capable of doing anything when his wife was brutally raped and killed in front of him-well...that’s what he was told about my mother and since he was in pretty much of  house arrest, he had no way of knowing the truth- committed suicide.” I whispered, feeling the agony ripping through my chest. 

Oh how I missed my dad even though I had known him just for a short period of two years!

We both sat in silence for a long time as I tried to control the flood of grief that had broken every dam I had made to contain it ever.

“Then? When did you get to know of his innocence?”Khushi finally asked and I sighed, continuing.

“My di was told the truth and she took it quite bravely though I had did see her break down quite a lot at that time and nearly lost my mind asking her the reason for it, but every time she would give me some silly excuses. I knew something terrible had happened, yet I wasn’t told of my dad’s innocence and his suicide on my di’s insistence. She didn’t want me to get hurt even more. She didn’t want me to know exactly how cruel this world can be so she restrained even nani and mama from telling me. So, I grew up hating my father, accusing him for all our sufferings...” I trailed off, still remembering that fateful day when I finally got to know the entire truth.

“Throughout my childhood, I just needed one reason...one catalyst so that I could vent out venomously on my father, take out all my frustration by slandering and ridiculing him. But, you see my di always stopped me and especially after she got to know the truth, my tirades became absolutely unbearable for her."

" Just as Ranveer told you, my di inherited the property that our father left for us on her 21^st birthday and as usual I was babbling angrily about him, calling him coward and expressing my surprise that the man who ditched us when we needed him the most had left us his property after his death! You know, that was the first time I got to know that our father was dead and instead of trying to know the entire truth, instead of feeling bad or upset for it, I was speaking as much evil as I could possibly speak for him!” This was my undoing, the greatest regret of my life and I didn’t know when I started sobbing.

“Shh Arnav! Get a grip on yourself. I know you must feel terrible, but you know its not your fault. You didn’t know! Stop feeling guilty!” Khushi hugged me tighter, rubbing my tears away.

And that was when I completely broke down! All the hurt as I had watched my mother strapped to a gurney... being given electric shock... being tied like an animal, all the sleepless nights that  I had spent wondering why my dad left us...why didn’t he have the guts to stand with us, his children, and all the agony and guilt that ripped through me every time I thought about how mistaken I was regarding my father, came pouring out in torrent. I couldn’t keep a check over my tears so I simply leaned into khushi, seeking her warmth, her soft reassurance, letting her talk me out of it and feeling her tears trickle on my hair and mingle with those of my own.

I don’t know how long we sat like that, but I eventually I gained control and leaned away from her a bit, knowing that my weight must be bothering her, not that she complained. I remained in the soothing circles of her arm as I again picked my story from where I had left it.

“So you see khushi, my di finally had had enough and being unable to bear more of my cruel words against out father, she slapped me hard. That was the first time my di had done that ever and I was naturally shocked. I fought with her, asking why she was defending that man who was the cause of our misery and finally she broke down, spilling the beans...telling the truth that she had hidden from me for so long! I was...devastated, I don’t even have the word to describe how wretched I felt! I started hating myself, I wouldn’t attend school, wouldn’t go out with my friends or talk with anyone in my family! I was absolutely depressed!”

“But you came out of it?” Khushi enquired and I sighed, nodding.

“At first there seemed no out from my misery...no escape from my agony. So my family took me to a Psychiatrist and eventually with her help and some of the anti-depressant pills that I secretly took to keep the depression at bay, I recovered and then, I had another addiction- anti-depressants!...My di literally blew her head off in rage when she got to know I was taking them...I had never seen her that  angry! Even now I get goosebumps whenever I remember her angry avatar!” I smiled at the memory. 

I still teased my di about it sometimes.

“But my entire family eventually helped me out of it...extricated me from that sinking mud and from then on, I have come a long way!” I finally looked down at khushi, to read her hazel eyes that were now boring down at me with compassion.